As a second generation Japanese-American, my sense of identity and belonging to my Japanese heritage was largely informed by my early days in Japanese school. From 1st grade up until 10th grade, I attended a weekly Saturday school here in Seattle, where my worthiness of belonging to my Japanese heritage felt determined by test scores, class placement, and social circles. While immersing myself in a Japanese curriculum and other Japanese peers for ten years helped me stay connected to my culture and language in many ways, struggling in my classes also magnified the gaps that still existed and made me believe that this culture could never really feel like my own. Combined with my own internalized racism and microaggressions I experienced outside of Japanese school, I carried a deep shame for who I am.
As I grew older however, it surprised me that no matter how far I tried to distance myself from my culture, this longing for a sense of home still inevitably makes its way into my life. Whether in the form of a song, conversation, or a cooked meal, I experience a sense of love and nourishment from my Japanese culture that I have always had a strong emotional tie to.
Over the past few years, I have begun to slowly reexamine and reshape my relationship to my Japanese background. All along, I realize, I had never been rejected from my culture – I had chosen to exclude myself from it. Now, through self-reflection, writing, visual storytelling, and in conversation with others, I am beginning to reconnect to and reclaim my heritage as my home. Through this blog, I share some of these lessons and experiences, and hopefully inspire others to celebrate and take pride in who they are, too.
♡
